(no subject)

[plural]

I've just returned home
I had a very fine evening

on the way home
a song came on the radio

it was the beatles

"all you need is love"

and

do not call me a cynic
but
all I could think is
what bullshit

love is easy

it is a choice
a decision to be open to it

it is what comes after that
which is hard

I have many things in my past
which I am not proud of
least of which
but still on that list
is my sexual proclivities

however I may feel

in my life
I have loved my share of women
[your share too]

There are far too many women in my past
whom I have loved
truely madly deeply
and with whom
love alone was not enough

love was not all I needed

perhaps
my experience
my good fortune
has left me with
less than an appropriate appreciation
for love

well no

that isnt true

I'm a fan of love
I'm a fan of being in love

it is just that
in my life

love is not enough

so that raises the question

what is

I'm not so sure
there is any one answer

but

I can speak those few things
I find more important than love

chief among those

respect

after that

trust

I don't just mean
trusting that I won't hurt you
or trusting that I'm being honest
but
a broader trust
that I know what I'm doing
and that I am capable
and
that I can take care of
and protect them

after that

expectations

I want

no strike that

I need

any woman I am to be with
to have expectations of me

I want her to expect many things

that I will be there for her
no matter the cost
no matter what

any price
any hell
I'll be the man standing beside her

I will be there
because
as I am her man
she is my woman

I want a woman to expect
me to take care of her
to provide for our family
to handle any situation
even if she is perfectly capable of it

that isnt to say she shouldnt handle a situation
that she is capable of handling
but rather
she should expect
that should she decide
she doesn't want to

I will

I want a woman
who expects me to be a man
and isnt surprised or impressed when I am

I want
a woman who cannot be bothered
to look up from her novel

Comments

[pnendick.livejournal.com]

I'm lurking, following your writing with great appreciate (me: a friend of stickgirl). I know this place you're in well, I think. It's a place rather like the one I'm stuck emotionally.

I'll add to your shopping list: consider loving someone who always treats you, and whom you in kind always treat in a loving way, regardless of the situation. This seems to be the thing most elusive.

[plural.livejournal.com]

indeed

I remember you

and

that is an excellent item

I've always taken it for granted honestly
not that one should

I suppose I've always felt if there isnt affection and kindness
there isnt a relationship

[pnendick.livejournal.com]

you are a smarter man than i

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

this made me cry a little-- wlel okay that feeling behind the eyes that is almost like cryin-- the part about it being okay to expect your man to take care of things (and being able to trust him to do that).

I find that to be one of the most attractive features of a man, ,when I can expect that and it happens.

FOr me I find it harder and harder to do the more men I enoucnter where I am a better man than they. :(

Oh, and I would probably look up from my novel, to check out the hotness.

[plural.livejournal.com]

*soft smile*

all virtues are seemingly in short supply these days
god knows I'm not an abundant source of them
but I might have a couple hiding out here or there

the reality it seems to me that our culture is missing
is that it is trust and responsibility
not hard-ons and stomach butterflies
[though those are nice too]
which makes love work

as they say
love at first sight is easy
it is love at repeated sight
that is a bitch

I've dated two women in my life
who essentially gave me carte blanche
not to do anything I wanted
but to decide how to handle things

that isn't to say
neither of them refrained from giving input
or making their mind known
or even making demands from time to time

just that if there was a problem
and I said I would handle it
that was it
they trusted me to do so

and I've never been attracted
to any woman more than those two

that faith
that trust
builds and keeps passion in a relationship

of course
it has to be both ways
and
mea culpa
its been a decade since
I've trusted anyone that way
but then again
hindsight sadly has proven that decision correct

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

I imagine that trusting you to protect them is in there too.

That is a place I feel many men are lacking and I have sort of this idea, that if I can protect myself from a "saber tooth tiger" yet a man cannot whether a disagreement with me (and I consider myself a softie), then how on earth is he going to protect me?

Between reading yoru post today and reading LifeofReilly's post today I feel like I'm missing something. And it isn't something I want to bring up and say "Hey by not doing X I dn't feel Y" because if I have to point out that X needs to be done, than I feel as if I'm wearing the pants if X gets done and if X does not get done (whether or not I tell him how I feel) than I'm upset because X is not done.

THat was my favorite thing about my relationship with J-- he always knew what to do and was very good at taking action and I never had any doubt that I would be safe with him (safe from is different, but I would always have been physically safe).

It really isn't complicated even though it seems to be.

The butterflies part is my least favorite part of a relationship.

[plural.livejournal.com]

Indeed, although that aspect isnt one that I often have to be concerned with, I've always had a knack for making people with me feel safe (maybe because they are).

I imagine you feel that way quite correctly, it is what happens when society breeds and conditions the aggression and confidence out of men, let alone the sense of responsibility for others.

We've created a nation of victims, passive people who won't lift a finger to save their own lives, let alone those of others. It is one (of many) reason I decided I can't raise my children (assuming I have any) in this culture. I won't raise victims and I won't raise slaves and quite frankly, that is what we raise here.

If you are talking about external stuff with regards to X & Y then I agree completely. If I see a situation going out of control, I step in and deal with it. On very rare occasions, I get in over my head but luckily for me, I can take a fair amount of punishment.

Within a relationship, I think communication with regards to each parties needs is essential, sometimes even for things which seem obvious. The clearer my partner is with me about her needs the more efficiently and effectly I can meet them.