No Asshole, I prefer to sit in a dark room, full of strangers, while I pick lint from my belly butto

[plural]

so
last night

I saw spider man 2

which incidentally was good fun

except for the two thirteen year old kids
blathering through the first half hour of the movie
[till I had enough and leaned forward to tell them to shut up]

but it reminded me
of how much I despise people
who talk in movies theatres

now
I am no fascist
[ok maybe I am but not about this]

if you are whispering quietly to your neighbor
I am going to ignore it

but when I am listening to the dialog
under the sound of your voice
you are perilously close to spending the remainder of your short life
tongue bathing the soles of my shoes

now you have different types of talkers
[in escalating order of hatred]

you have the commentator
who feels that in order for you to enjoy the movie
you require constant feedback from them as to what you should think

then you have the conversationalist
who feels that you should discuss what has happened in the movie
while the movie is going on rather than waiting til it is finished
and grabbing a coffee/beer/crackpipe to discuss it over

if you parked in a handicap space
you deserve to get seated with a movie psychic
who spends the entire time
telling you what is going to happen next

double parking in a handicap space
and you suffer a very similar but highly worse fate
of the fellow who things you are a 900 psychic movie line
and spends the entire time asking you
what is going to happen later in the movie

"Is he going to die?"

but

but

but

my most bitter hatred
utter loathing
is reserved for one particular variety of movie talker

I hate them so much
I cant even think clearly enough to label them

but you will recognize one easily
by the urge to throttle them extensively
when they turn and ask you

"Did you see that?"

no fuckwad, I paid ten bucks to sit here but I'm not watching the movie