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pluralHmm, well my non-existant readers, I have been what is known as a slacker these past few days and have neglected my journal....
much has happened....
Still no Ducati :-( most unpleasant
A friend of mine has moved to seattle and is living with me now...
I have another friend staying with me until the 15th when he moves to pittsburgh.
So between him and his gf, my friend who just moved in, we actually have people around us.
played pool on friday night with a friend, played beautifully was pleased with myself.
Saturday I went to a company picnic and had a lot of fun, I gave a lift to this girl from work, several people mistook her for my girlfriend, wonder what they saw, I didnt, she was cute, but we have a language barrier so it made conversation kind of difficult.
After that, I met someone from the net for coffee, its kind of funny actually, we had be slipping around the edges of the same circles for a while, and when we started talking we had a lot in common. I would say it went ok, he was nice and friendly, but it was still slightly off. Jeez I sound like I am describing at date, well sorry to disappoint you, my dear readers but it wasnt.
Sunday, I had my boss, and some people from work over (including said female discussed earlier) for a white wine tasting. I served about 6 farm cheeses and we drank 5 different wines, and smoked cigars. A couple of people were hungry so I whipped up some linguine and some fresh sauce, to rave reviews, It has been so long since I cooked for other people. I forgot just how much I enjoy it. Then we broke out the scotch, and played chess, the girl devastated me in the game we played, which I found most admirable, of course afterwards we found out she used to be a professional. I am attracted to her, both physically and mentally, but she is only here for 8 weeks and I think the communication barrier would be difficult, still trying to decide what to do, how about I put it to a vote of my readers.... what do you think? should I persue it, or stick with friendship.....
Sleep I finally got a decent night's sleep after two weeks of not sleeping well, blissful 4 hours was delightful.
I had the most peculiar conversation with a young woman the other night... well to be honest it wasnt really a conversation, more like an interogation, I spent 4 delightful hours asking her the most intimate questions about herself. We talked in detail about her sexual history and sexuality and about her family life, the connections her mind makes, it was enlightening. I always enjoy learning more about the way people think.
Was supposed to fly to austin on monday, but life didnt agree with my plans, so it will be tuesday instead.
What value do things have? how does one decide if it is worth it?
I look at my life, and I am conflicted...
I have been deliriously happy, only to have it choked mercilessly from me.
I have been miserable and pathetic, and risen up (in theory)
it is said, it is better to have loved and lost, then to never loved at all.
I would agree, but my question lies outside the simple scope of that.
I loved a woman deep and true, she died...would I wish that I had not loved her to avoid feeling the pain that came later?
never once.
but I look at my life, the things which I have, which are all I have....
Things, empty dead shallow material objects.
Poisoned tokens of previous lives.
I live or have until very recently, lived alone in a five bedroom house, the few people who I invited over, were so impressed, oh you have such a beautiful house blah blah blah so what? how does that make me a better person? or make me happy?
I built this house, not to impress people, (well ok maybe a little) but to provide shelter, a nice home for me and a woman I cared about. In some ways, it was more important to me, to know that I was providing well for her, that it was to buy the house for myself.
I am a fake, a copy of a real person.
My life doesnt exist....I am a grey man...invisible...
I used to pride myself on being a chameleon, being able to blend seamlessly into any situation.
Instead of being something, I chose being nothing, being a chalkboard diagram to be wiped clean and re-drawn whenever whim carried me.
My question is this....
Is all that I have now worth all that I have been through?
No.
much has happened....
Still no Ducati :-( most unpleasant
A friend of mine has moved to seattle and is living with me now...
I have another friend staying with me until the 15th when he moves to pittsburgh.
So between him and his gf, my friend who just moved in, we actually have people around us.
played pool on friday night with a friend, played beautifully was pleased with myself.
Saturday I went to a company picnic and had a lot of fun, I gave a lift to this girl from work, several people mistook her for my girlfriend, wonder what they saw, I didnt, she was cute, but we have a language barrier so it made conversation kind of difficult.
After that, I met someone from the net for coffee, its kind of funny actually, we had be slipping around the edges of the same circles for a while, and when we started talking we had a lot in common. I would say it went ok, he was nice and friendly, but it was still slightly off. Jeez I sound like I am describing at date, well sorry to disappoint you, my dear readers but it wasnt.
Sunday, I had my boss, and some people from work over (including said female discussed earlier) for a white wine tasting. I served about 6 farm cheeses and we drank 5 different wines, and smoked cigars. A couple of people were hungry so I whipped up some linguine and some fresh sauce, to rave reviews, It has been so long since I cooked for other people. I forgot just how much I enjoy it. Then we broke out the scotch, and played chess, the girl devastated me in the game we played, which I found most admirable, of course afterwards we found out she used to be a professional. I am attracted to her, both physically and mentally, but she is only here for 8 weeks and I think the communication barrier would be difficult, still trying to decide what to do, how about I put it to a vote of my readers.... what do you think? should I persue it, or stick with friendship.....
Sleep I finally got a decent night's sleep after two weeks of not sleeping well, blissful 4 hours was delightful.
I had the most peculiar conversation with a young woman the other night... well to be honest it wasnt really a conversation, more like an interogation, I spent 4 delightful hours asking her the most intimate questions about herself. We talked in detail about her sexual history and sexuality and about her family life, the connections her mind makes, it was enlightening. I always enjoy learning more about the way people think.
Was supposed to fly to austin on monday, but life didnt agree with my plans, so it will be tuesday instead.
What value do things have? how does one decide if it is worth it?
I look at my life, and I am conflicted...
I have been deliriously happy, only to have it choked mercilessly from me.
I have been miserable and pathetic, and risen up (in theory)
it is said, it is better to have loved and lost, then to never loved at all.
I would agree, but my question lies outside the simple scope of that.
I loved a woman deep and true, she died...would I wish that I had not loved her to avoid feeling the pain that came later?
never once.
but I look at my life, the things which I have, which are all I have....
Things, empty dead shallow material objects.
Poisoned tokens of previous lives.
I live or have until very recently, lived alone in a five bedroom house, the few people who I invited over, were so impressed, oh you have such a beautiful house blah blah blah so what? how does that make me a better person? or make me happy?
I built this house, not to impress people, (well ok maybe a little) but to provide shelter, a nice home for me and a woman I cared about. In some ways, it was more important to me, to know that I was providing well for her, that it was to buy the house for myself.
I am a fake, a copy of a real person.
My life doesnt exist....I am a grey man...invisible...
I used to pride myself on being a chameleon, being able to blend seamlessly into any situation.
Instead of being something, I chose being nothing, being a chalkboard diagram to be wiped clean and re-drawn whenever whim carried me.
My question is this....
Is all that I have now worth all that I have been through?
No.
