Trouble

[plural]

Smile
I told myself
and
say goodnight

maybe it was the bourbon
I finished off a bottle tonight
before catching a cab out
it was
embarrassingly full as well

but
as usual

I didn't listen

I am not sure what it is
what
within me
that makes me act this way
no
that allows me to act this way

a genetic weakness
foolish male instinct

I suppose
I can gain
some small comfort
from knowing I used a condom

but still

the redhead having become
a random fuck

once or twice a week
she calls me
and foolishly I acquiesce

I was once a boy
perhaps even a man

but now what?