The Jewish Christmas

[plural]

Since I am sure yall are curious what we Jews do
while you are all warm inside with your families on Christmas

well first we go out for Chinese food not only because Jews love Chinese food
but also because they are the only fucking place open on Christmas

then we go see a movie, again the fact that we like movies is irrelevant
on Christmas we don't have much choice because
you guessed it
it is the only place open

then we go home
maybe with some other heathen friends
and get drunk

this is necessary as it provides both the inspiration
and the require warmth for the next stage

which is of course the annual Christmas walk

take a nice Cuban cigar
a good bottle of firewater
and walk around the neighborhood
looking at all yalls lights and displays

this quickly descends
into screwing your reindeer and pissing on your Santas
in a mostly silent but entirely gleeful moment of vengeance
for the months and months of Christmas music
we have had to endure

but lucky for us
yall are too busy frolicking inside
to notice

Comments

[maryshelley.livejournal.com]

:) you nasty jewish boy!

happy hanuka (did i spell it right?)

[pseudovillain.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Hell I'm not Jewish, but that sounds like MY kinda fun!!!

[oneeyedfreak.livejournal.com]

That was priceless!
I wish we had Santas out front!

Next year, I will...And I will wait for the drunken Jewish vengence.

Sort of like waiting up for randy elves or something :)

[marieofroumania.livejournal.com]

No, you did not. The correct spelling is "HAPPY CHAKA KHAN."

MERRY KWANZAA, JEW BOY!!!!!!!

Love, your favorite possible Jew.

[plural.livejournal.com]

sure why not

I mean we cant figure out how to spell it
so
how can we expect you too

but thats close enough for government work

[lordlucan.livejournal.com]

Not
for one second
do I blame you.

I hate fucking Christmas muzak too.

[rdg.livejournal.com]

i just wish that you jews owned bars
cos i can't think of anywhere decent
to get a drink tomorrow night
:(

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

for the months and months of Christmas music
we have had to endure

hey, we put up with seinfeld, and got you out of those camps during the war... a little more gratitude would be nice.

[plural.livejournal.com]

and umm

put is into them

so yeah

umm

thanks

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

put is into them
damn, I have no idea what this means.

It occurs to me, that my response may have been a little harsh... early morning stream of consciousness, is a bad thing, no matter what those homo 'beat' writers/poets had to say on the matter.

You know I've got nothing but love for you bubba.

[mselfie.livejournal.com]

you know, we ended up having chinese last night, since they were the only thing we could find open. not what noctrnlsunshine had in mind, but i'll make him fix his gourmet meal for me on sunday instead. ;) he has to work today, and the stores are all closed, anyway.

in any case, i hope your day of doing non-christmasy things is good. :) best wishes!

[againsthestream.livejournal.com]

HA!
Chinese food and a movie. That is my Christmas experience every year for my whole life.
Until I shacked up with a goy.
And now I have to celebrate Christmas.
OY.

[kingnixon.livejournal.com]

chaka khan!! hahaha. i just made an incredibly strange giggling sound

[kingnixon.livejournal.com]

i had cereal, sandwiches, and applesauce, and watched "evil dead" and "chasing amy". no walks. i never actually left the house today. i hear it was rainy

[coolstring.livejournal.com]

Wow, you had it on the ball!

But what I really don't like is that a few years ago they began releasing movies on Christmas and THAT pissed me off! Suddenly, the movies are busier than they've ever been on that day!! It's so annoying. At least I still have chinese food ;-)