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pluralA couple of afterthoughts from my last long winding post
which none of you have read yet because I just finished it
about ten minutes ago and changed the security from private to friends
[it took me a couple of sessions to get it to a level I was relatively happy with]
the most important emotional epiphany, I have ever experienced was when I was fifteen.
I was an angry child, always thinking everyone else was screwing me over [and often times they were *grin*]. My relationship with my parents was incredibly strained. Then it dawned on me, I have no idea the why or how of it, it just popped into my head.
"My parents do what they do because they love me. As much as I might think it misguided, or as much as I may be angered by the results, the same basic fact holds true."
sounds simple, but the next step is forgiveness, I stopped holding all the ways in which my childhood was fucked up, and all the wrongs I percieved [many extremely justifiable] against them. I accepted that they were human, that fuck ups were an acceptible part of humanity and decided to let go of the anger and pain. Even if I still thought they were completely wrong [which I did at the time] I understood that they were really making an effort to do what they thought was good for me, and their motivation was not to ruin my social life or keep me from having fun.
This realization and the forgiveness which followed allowed me to let go of a lot of anger, which I was harboring inside. Immediately I felt better, happier. Which brought me to the second and probably more important conclusion of this epiphany. I do not like being angry, it does not make me happy. I want to be happy. I then decided that my happiness had a value, and that being angry wasnt free.
Being angry was expensive.
to this day, i refuse to allow people who are not imporant to my life to make me angry. If you insult me, I smile and laugh. Who the fuck are you and why should I care what you think. More importantly why should I let your thoughts deprive me of being happy.
This led me to believe that our emotions are our responsibilities. If you are unhappy, it is because you choose to be unhappy. You choose to allow another persons actions to make you unhappy. This does not mean that your feelings are not valid. When you find out someone betrayed you, it is completely valid to feel hurt, but it is still a choice to feel that way.
This isnt to say that I completely rationalize my emotions [although I do have a tendency to do just that from time to time] I just look at a situation, see how it makes me feel, and then place a value on both the situation and the people involved. I then compare those values to the importance (or value) I place on being and feeling happy. I happen to be incredibly selfish, I think I deserve to be happy, I place a very high value on my happiness. [in my opinion everyone has a right to be happy]
I can count the number of people in the world, who mean more to me than my happiness on my fingers, quite possibly even on one hand. This doesnt mean I do not care about other people besides these few. For example, most of you reading this, I care about to varying degrees.I and greatly value the exchange of ideas and experiences that we share. But I simply do not have the degree of investment in you to make it worth me being unhappy.
To clarify as well, when I speak of happiness, I refer to an enduring sense of the world, where life is positive. This doesnt mean I do not feel sad, upset or frustrated by various events, it just means I do not hold on to them, when I get frustrated by the worlds various fuck ups and trust me, travelling has it share of frustrations, I focus on resolving the situation and then let it go, instead focusing on enjoying what is to come next, rather than grumbling about what happened.
Do you want to be happy?
Ask yourself what you require to be happy?
Make a list.
Is it a better job, a better love life, what do you need to be happy in life?
Then look at that list, how many things are in your control?
If there anything which is not in your control, consider eliminating it, afterall do you really want to condition your happiness on something you cant control?
the real secret is making that list as short as possible
my list has only one permanent item
[and a few which revolve on and off]
ah well
just another nickel from lil old me
cheers!
which none of you have read yet because I just finished it
about ten minutes ago and changed the security from private to friends
[it took me a couple of sessions to get it to a level I was relatively happy with]
the most important emotional epiphany, I have ever experienced was when I was fifteen.
I was an angry child, always thinking everyone else was screwing me over [and often times they were *grin*]. My relationship with my parents was incredibly strained. Then it dawned on me, I have no idea the why or how of it, it just popped into my head.
"My parents do what they do because they love me. As much as I might think it misguided, or as much as I may be angered by the results, the same basic fact holds true."
sounds simple, but the next step is forgiveness, I stopped holding all the ways in which my childhood was fucked up, and all the wrongs I percieved [many extremely justifiable] against them. I accepted that they were human, that fuck ups were an acceptible part of humanity and decided to let go of the anger and pain. Even if I still thought they were completely wrong [which I did at the time] I understood that they were really making an effort to do what they thought was good for me, and their motivation was not to ruin my social life or keep me from having fun.
This realization and the forgiveness which followed allowed me to let go of a lot of anger, which I was harboring inside. Immediately I felt better, happier. Which brought me to the second and probably more important conclusion of this epiphany. I do not like being angry, it does not make me happy. I want to be happy. I then decided that my happiness had a value, and that being angry wasnt free.
Being angry was expensive.
to this day, i refuse to allow people who are not imporant to my life to make me angry. If you insult me, I smile and laugh. Who the fuck are you and why should I care what you think. More importantly why should I let your thoughts deprive me of being happy.
This led me to believe that our emotions are our responsibilities. If you are unhappy, it is because you choose to be unhappy. You choose to allow another persons actions to make you unhappy. This does not mean that your feelings are not valid. When you find out someone betrayed you, it is completely valid to feel hurt, but it is still a choice to feel that way.
This isnt to say that I completely rationalize my emotions [although I do have a tendency to do just that from time to time] I just look at a situation, see how it makes me feel, and then place a value on both the situation and the people involved. I then compare those values to the importance (or value) I place on being and feeling happy. I happen to be incredibly selfish, I think I deserve to be happy, I place a very high value on my happiness. [in my opinion everyone has a right to be happy]
I can count the number of people in the world, who mean more to me than my happiness on my fingers, quite possibly even on one hand. This doesnt mean I do not care about other people besides these few. For example, most of you reading this, I care about to varying degrees.I and greatly value the exchange of ideas and experiences that we share. But I simply do not have the degree of investment in you to make it worth me being unhappy.
To clarify as well, when I speak of happiness, I refer to an enduring sense of the world, where life is positive. This doesnt mean I do not feel sad, upset or frustrated by various events, it just means I do not hold on to them, when I get frustrated by the worlds various fuck ups and trust me, travelling has it share of frustrations, I focus on resolving the situation and then let it go, instead focusing on enjoying what is to come next, rather than grumbling about what happened.
Do you want to be happy?
Ask yourself what you require to be happy?
Make a list.
Is it a better job, a better love life, what do you need to be happy in life?
Then look at that list, how many things are in your control?
If there anything which is not in your control, consider eliminating it, afterall do you really want to condition your happiness on something you cant control?
the real secret is making that list as short as possible
my list has only one permanent item
[and a few which revolve on and off]
ah well
just another nickel from lil old me
cheers!
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no subject
Date: 2002-07-16 01:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-07-17 02:49 pm (UTC)that
it occured
so I dont rightly recall
the specific thoughts that lead to said epiphany
it happened during relatively soon after the death of a friend which had me in a rather reflective and introspective funk