(no subject)

[plural]

Wow

I was fucked up last night

mmm

half gallon of good bourbon

works wondrous things

I think in the future

when I do drunken posting

I am going to avoid reviewing said posts
the next morning

it is particularly embarrassing

Like for example

how I went from a sober [mostly] estimate of 29 hours without a cigarette at 11pm
to a drunken one of nearly 48 almost four hours later

yes
the bourbon was just that good

well in two hours [roughly]
it will actually have been 48 hours
and
about now
I am a bit confused

like for example I got this weird sort of pressure
behind my ears, almost an itch as well
then
the muscles in my arms feel funny
and
I feel unusually aware of random shit

cant tell
what is normal
and what is my body screaming for a cigarette

very strange

very strange indeed

got a date in four hours

have no idea
what the hell I am going to do with myself
until
then

man
time moves so damn slowly without cigarettes

any pause or awkward moment
can always be fixed by a cigarette

need something to do

light a smoke

they are so damn useful
at filling the spaces and pauses
in life

how do you non smokers do it

if you think about it

a cigarette takes me on average seven minutes to smoke
I smoke roughly a pack a day
so
that is one hundred and forty minutes of time
that I now need to fill

two freaking hours

now granted normally they aren't back to back
but
it seems they are now
I
thought I might watch a movie
but
then
I want to smoke

come to think of it
damn near anything I want to do
involves smoking
and
I still cant get over how weird
it is to have sex
without the cigarette
[as I never have before]

ugg

whatever

cravings be damned

I am not going to smoke
at least until I stop wanting one
then I can at least make a clear and irrational decision about it