(no subject)

[plural]

I am such a fucking pussy

I really need an after nookie cigarette

but I don't want one

I can feel my skin crawling up my arm

and it is driving me nuts

I tried downing a couple of shots of bourbon
to
distract me

but it is really getting

under my skins

dammit I want a cigarette
but
I am
determined not to have one

fuck

fuck

fuck

this is a
serious

pain in the ass

why

oh

why

did I ever
decide
to
screw with
the idea of quitting anyway

maybe
it is
because I have smoked
for
more than half of my life
which
is pretty pathetic
considering I will only be 28 next month

and
I have been smoking for 16 years

there is just a part of me
that says
enough

wonders if I really need that as
a part of my life any more

and
to be honest
I do not think I do
but
you know
it is
something I enjoy
so
beyond any physical addiction
it
just need to be a decision
despite
whatever cravings

it is
just something
I will do

I think

god I suck
*grin*

love me