Things Mothers Should Teach - A Psa

[plural]

My mom taught me that striking a woman is something that you just don't do under any circumstances. However, while I was being intimate with a female coworker, I made a joke that she reacted to quite negatively. She is a very loud, chatty person by nature, and while she was performing oral sex on me, I said, "I finally found a way to shut you up!" She proceeded to bite my penis very hard, on the side, corn-cob style. It hurt so much that I reflexively slapped her. I was trying to get my penis out from between her teeth! Needless to say, she left immediately, and things have been icy at work. I feel awful that I hit a woman, Dan, but she drew blood! Do I owe her an apology?
Bleeding And Guilty

"No, you don't owe her an apology. While I generally agree with your mother—men shouldn't strike women—all bets are off when a woman bites down on a man's penis so hard that she draws blood. I imagine your mother didn't anticipate this particular circumstance when she taught you not to strike a woman. It's too bad your mother didn't also teach you not to make jokes at the expense of a person who happens to have your penis between her teeth."

[From Savage Love - a weekly column by Dan Savage]

Ladies, some of you are mothers, others will one day be mothers,
do me this one kind favor

now by some kind gift of the lord,
I was able to determine that jokes as mentioned above would be a bad idea,
without having to resort to the device commonly known as "trial and error"
but I appeal to you, in the infinite mercy which only mothers and deities can observed
please
please
explain this to your sons
I realize it may be uncomfortable
but it is really in your best interest
as
most of you will in fact
desire grandchildren

And Ladies, one other favor
if by some chance you do encounter a man
stupid enough to make jokes at your expense, or insult you
in such a situation

don't chomp down on the prick
it really doesnt do much good
instead
look them in the eye
smile
then castrate them with your teeth

that way you save the rest of us
from the possibility of their passing on
genes with that over concentration of stupidity
to future generations

Thanks

Comments

[triscuits.livejournal.com]

additional.

don't fuck yer co-workers.

now what fun would that be

[plural.livejournal.com]

I mean
without the bj freebies
at work

how would you get through the day?

*wicked grin*

[zaiah.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I have no sons of my own.. and the state's children I foster might not well understand my teaching.. but you can be sure that, thanks to your advice - and my own mother's training given to me, my daughter will be well versed and capable of castrating a male should it become necessary or prudent. *sweetly smiles*

[nandan.livejournal.com]

I'm putting it on my to do list right now.

Yep

[consume.livejournal.com]

You don't put your meat where you make your bread.

[sofiya.livejournal.com]

umm...I'm not really sure about how to respond to that.. But it's probably NOT a good idea to make fun of a girl who's giving you head. It probably put her down and made her feel trashy..But biting on your penis is a little harsh..although, instead you should have cussed at her or something....ah whatever. lol

[plural.livejournal.com]

umm honey
the is exactly the point I was making
[and this is not a story about me either]

God I love Dan Savage.

[quel.livejournal.com]

And I love your posts.

Very funny, weeding out the genes of those dumb enough to joke during such a time.

Re: now what fun would that be

[triscuits.livejournal.com]

wouldn't you like to know. ;)

ehh, it's just bad manners. simple as that.