(no subject)

[plural]

other random thoughts

you know I hate it when
I lose a girls phone number

cause it just fucks you

first off you cant call her
which sort of screws up all the related plans

then you look like an asshole
for not calling her like you said you would

and lastly you have to come up with
some self depreciating bullshit to make yourself look like an ass
because it will still be better than
trying to convince her that you actually lost her number

because hell will freeze over
before she believes you on that one

and even if she did believe you
which is unlikely
you still look like an ass
so
might as well score some creativity points
while you are at it

let me say
that I am not advocating dishonesty here
at least not in the sense that
you expect them to believe whatever you come up with

it is an art form I have developed
by which you lie so bloody obviously
that
it is readily apparent that
you have no real intention of convincing them
of your tale
but
instead are working the amusement angle

some examples

I once told a boss, that I was late for work
because the little people held me prisoner
until I agreed to give them a years supply
of bread pudding and jolly ranchers

or

excusing yourself from a meeting
because you have a gynecological exam scheduled
[obviously this would not work the same way for a chick]

another favourite excuse
of mine to use with girlfriends
whenever they ask where you were
or why you were late etc

sorry my other girlfriend
was feeling sexually neglected
and it was morally imperative
that I reassert my dominant male sexuality

or

sorry I was abducted & handcuffed to a bed
by the swedish bikini team and forced to participate
in a broad variety of disturbingly pleasurable
sexual experiments


oh I was reminded of this the other night

guys when you are out on a date
do not be assholes to the waitress
chicks pay attention to how you treat people around you
they seem to think it shows how you will treat them
[they might even be right]