A bold new plan

[plural]

Friends, Romans, Countrymen

I have been thinking
about the various efforts to combat terrorism
and help us identify Muslim extremists
with intentions of committing acts of terror.

I have done extensive research
[ok not really but never mind that]

I have determined the following
to be as effective if not more effective
than the current government efforts
and far more cost effective

In the Koran it is considered it a sin for a man to see
a naked woman who is not his wife.

So, this Saturday at 2:00 p.m.EST

all American women are asked
to walk out of their house completely naked
to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended
for this anti-terrorist effort.

All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs
in front of their house to prove they think it's okay to see other women naked
and to show support for their fellow American sisters.

Additionally
Since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol,
a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your determination
to root out the evil of terrorism.

America is counting on your support and participation

God bless America!!