the burden of riches ... or ... for patrick, perhaps i understand now

[plural]

I am man
[or at least i like]
[to think of myself]
[as a man]

torn between heaven and hell
between the peaceful life
undemanding
i desire
and the destiny
which drags my soul
screaming forward

I long have lived
a life of bacchus

my heart i consoled
when we find her
then shall it be built

but i have acted in error
for in a life of bacchus
only a whore of bacchus
will be found
[or deserved]

yet i am
conflicted
i loathe the burden
of obligation my life
of privilege and station
requires of me

i want only to live in peace
to feel my hear skip as a smooth stone
over calm water
at nothing more
[nor nothing less i suppose]
than the touch and desire
[like a boy of fifteen]
of my love
for the rest of my days

to feel that same lurch
of desire
at sixty as
at twenty six

it is true
that for most of my life
[but decidedly not all]
i have tasted the silver spoon
and
no more will i make
excuses nor apologies

and for the rest of my days
i will be so blessed
fortune smiles upon me
with eyes welled
nestles me in her bosom
and curses me with her heart

i envy those with
simple dreams
simple hopes
and simple lives

my destiny is not my own
but a path inherited
[like my resources]
a yoke thrust upon me
a responsibility handed down
which i am unable to shirk

my life lacks understanding
starting of course with me
until recently i have not understood
the nature of my responsibilities

recently i experienced
and
shared an epiphany
which now seen and fated
is not yet won
[nor deserved]

but for that I will seek
and i will struggle
and there i will find peace
with the crimes i did commit