since I am feeling cynical
May. 7th, 2002 07:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plurala few more little maxims
never trust anyone
and if you do
make sure you have
something on them first
don't fuck your friends girlfriends
your friends wont appreciate it
and
she wont be a good enough lay
to be worth the hassle
Never start a relationship
with a girl who was dating someone else
when you started fucking her
Never, ever
let anyone else
possess incriminating photos of you
However, attempt to collect as many
incriminating photos of others as possible
but never, ever
show them to anyone
[remember they are your future trump card]
In the workforce, remember that
no one is your friend
never get drunk with coworkers
or tell them any personal information
you do not want your boss to know
If you are a guy
never sleep with a girl you work with
when things don't work out
you may be out of a job
remember she has all the cards
It is better to be feared than loved
if you must choose between the two
always choose fear
Always own at least one piece of art
that makes people uncomfortable
and display it prominently
Always attack a persons strengths
not their weaknesses
people expect to be attacked on their weaknesses
Avoid hurting people
but if you must
always finish the job
a corpse plots no revenge
They always shoot the messenger
Never write anything down
especially in email
that you don't want the world to know
Always strike first
If someone else attacks you
never retaliate
it just looks pathetic
and nobody will believe you anyway
always use the fewest number of words
possible to defend yourself
if you are guilty avoid talking about specifics
and
never make excuses
your friends wont need them
and your enemies wont believe them
Always write all work emails
in the most formal voice
Document everything you do
and every conversation you have
If it is written down people will believe it
in the end
the person with the best notes
wins
Use familiar names
such as honey, dahlin and dear
or sport, tiger and buddy
as often as possible
only use given names
for people with more power
than you
Give everyone a friendly smile
and nod when you see them
and
especially when you knife them
in the back
If someone has the ability
to damage your reputation
do not give them the opportunity
attack theirs first
that way their retaliation
has less credibility
and finally the most important
There are no secrets
never trust anyone
and if you do
make sure you have
something on them first
don't fuck your friends girlfriends
your friends wont appreciate it
and
she wont be a good enough lay
to be worth the hassle
Never start a relationship
with a girl who was dating someone else
when you started fucking her
Never, ever
let anyone else
possess incriminating photos of you
However, attempt to collect as many
incriminating photos of others as possible
but never, ever
show them to anyone
[remember they are your future trump card]
In the workforce, remember that
no one is your friend
never get drunk with coworkers
or tell them any personal information
you do not want your boss to know
If you are a guy
never sleep with a girl you work with
when things don't work out
you may be out of a job
remember she has all the cards
It is better to be feared than loved
if you must choose between the two
always choose fear
Always own at least one piece of art
that makes people uncomfortable
and display it prominently
Always attack a persons strengths
not their weaknesses
people expect to be attacked on their weaknesses
Avoid hurting people
but if you must
always finish the job
a corpse plots no revenge
They always shoot the messenger
Never write anything down
especially in email
that you don't want the world to know
Always strike first
If someone else attacks you
never retaliate
it just looks pathetic
and nobody will believe you anyway
always use the fewest number of words
possible to defend yourself
if you are guilty avoid talking about specifics
and
never make excuses
your friends wont need them
and your enemies wont believe them
Always write all work emails
in the most formal voice
Document everything you do
and every conversation you have
If it is written down people will believe it
in the end
the person with the best notes
wins
Use familiar names
such as honey, dahlin and dear
or sport, tiger and buddy
as often as possible
only use given names
for people with more power
than you
Give everyone a friendly smile
and nod when you see them
and
especially when you knife them
in the back
If someone has the ability
to damage your reputation
do not give them the opportunity
attack theirs first
that way their retaliation
has less credibility
and finally the most important
There are no secrets
