On men and women

Is it possible
that I am actually growing up?

becoming less shallow
at least
if not any less foolish

I still find myself aspiring to be a jackass
no
not that sort
not like in that inane movie

rather
of the romantic variety
one who refuses to settle
for a love less than spectacular

who seeks daily passion
nightly fireworks
and refuses to accept
the common wisdom that
such things fade

I think my earlier post
with regard to quixotic
wasn't entirely on the money

not that I don't have the tendencies
a leaning in that direction
I think rather
that ever since Charlie died

I've been looking for the inspiration
not only to feel as I did with her
but to act as I did towards her
to be the man I was with her

I've always been a passionate man
a hopeless romantic
it pervades my being
even when I am my most cynical

but she inspired me
her smiled encouraged me
her laugh lifted me off the ground

so that so much of my thoughts
were consumed with creating opportunities
for joy and affection between us

not that such were needed

I would spend days
happily planning out
every last detail of a date
for any special occasion

all of my life
I have pursued perfection
in some form or another

but since she died
I have rarely done so
in my romantic life

part of this is my fault
part of this is that of the other lasses

Charlie had an appreciation for the divine
an eye for beauty, a mind for meaning
and appreciated every gesture
from the most grand to most humble

I find it sad, how many women
choose to complain and nag
when their man fails to live up to their expectations
their desires

when it is entirely the wrong approach

You want to bring out the best in your man
don't criticize him, and crush his spirit
we men, for however tough an exterior
are particularly fragile when it comes to the opinion
our lovers hold of us

Rather praise him
even for petty little things
never miss an excuse to reward
the slightest thoughtfulness

and you will see
that he will rise to the occasion

we men, however secure in ourselves we may or may not be
crave the respect and adoration of our women
so much so that nothing
will we not attempt to receive it

like a dog, pressing its nose against the glass
eager for a pat on the head

and when you give it to us
lavish us with that adoration, that respect
it makes us feel like men
good solid worthwhile men

and that we all crave

once you have demonstrated
that we can get that need met
that we can obtain that affection
through a positive channel

we will strive to repeat it
we will make a point of earning additional praise
if we can clearly see the way

There is an old joke

If you wash the dishes
and a woman was not there to see it
did it actually happen?

Women often talk and feel like they are under appreciated
but as often as not, they are just as guilty

I know, I know
why should you praise your man
for doing what is simply expected?

Doing the dishes is just something that has to be done
Why should you praise him for doing so

Two reasons

One, because as far too many women know
Helping out around the house seems like no big deal
until he isn't doing it

Two, because you want him
to be overjoyed and insistent
in his attempts to demonstrate his affection

Because, that makes you feel loved.

When you nag a man, you crush his spirit
and create a negative association
about whatever you want him to do.
a resentment towards doing so

Not to mention, that if he isn't feeling loved
Isn't receiving positive attention
he will seek negative attention

in the end, child psychology is really the most human psychology
because children are simply people without walls to hide behind

All of us, male or female, young or old
need attention from the ones we love
if we can't get positive reaffirmation from those we love
we will seek out negative reaffirmation

so the question becomes
what is more pleasant for you

whispering sweet nothings in your lovers ear
to inspire him to reach further affections

or

getting angry and upset, yelling and screaming at him

because, those are your only options

either choice provide feed the same need
either option reaffirms that you love him

but more importantly

it also reaffirms whatever behavior created the reaction
confirms in his mind that whatever behavior he did
is a dependable way to get the reassurances he needs

so which would you rather create
a cycle of positive loving behavior
or a spiral of negative acting out behavior

and lastly
if he fails to rise to the occasion
if he doesn't seek your affections
then you'd better ask yourself

if you are willing to accept things as they are
because
darling, it is the best they will ever get.

if you are asking yourself that question
chances are, you desire far more passion
than your relationship will ever provide

as some of you might have guessed
I'm in something of a pickle at the moment
I've fallen for a woman (and she with me)
engaged to someone else

No, it wasn't intentional
No, we didn't see it coming
Yes I realize it is against all the rules
Yes I realize it is terribly foolish

but I really do not care
as we have decided to remain as friends
for the time being, perhaps even forever

that it is best for her to give her fiancee
the chance to rise to the occasion
the opportunity to resuscitate their relationship

but it has inspired me
to think on the subject of love
and relationships

The above is not my realization
not my thoughts
but a lesson I learned from Charlie

To quite literally kill them with affection
and in my relationships
it has made
all the difference