Dreams are built with bricks of thorns.

yeah

so

I lied

and

I'm not remotely sorry about it

of course

I didn't really know it was a lie
at the time
but
I suspected it might be

in other words
I broke yet another of my famous rules
and yes
it was for her

or

more accurately

for us

we talked yesterday
and have decided
to give us another try

my heart is still a bit wary
but that goes with the territory
I am keeping my hopes on a shorter leash
for the time being
taking things day by day

but today
and last night
were really quite wonderful

I missed her quite terribly

and
there is
something powerful about a kiss
an embrace
which you longed for
but believed was in the past
only a memory

it was delicious
in every sense of the word

before I went over there
we talked briefly on the phone
I wasnt feeling well yesterday evening
was planning to go to bed early

but I sensed something was off
heard something in her voice
that told me everything was not alright

so I put my queasy belly aside
and headed over
it is an eternal weakness of mine
that I cannot ignore the pain
of people I care about
even if it may hurt me to care

it turns out
that not only did I lie
but I was flat wrong also

it could change something
it did change something

apparently she read that post
and decided that
she had been hearing me
just not listening

things had all happened so fast
she had gotten scared and moved to protect herself

which is understandable
as
when I want something
I'm rather like a bull
charging headlong at it

I can understand how that would be intimidating

so
yeah
now I do not know
what I am doing
once again

but
I'm willing to take the chance
see where life leads me

after all
at the end of the day

the juice is still worth the squeeze