(no subject)

I've just returned home
I had a very fine evening

on the way home
a song came on the radio

it was the beatles

"all you need is love"

and

do not call me a cynic
but
all I could think is
what bullshit

love is easy

it is a choice
a decision to be open to it

it is what comes after that
which is hard

I have many things in my past
which I am not proud of
least of which
but still on that list
is my sexual proclivities

however I may feel

in my life
I have loved my share of women
[your share too]

There are far too many women in my past
whom I have loved
truely madly deeply
and with whom
love alone was not enough

love was not all I needed

perhaps
my experience
my good fortune
has left me with
less than an appropriate appreciation
for love

well no

that isnt true

I'm a fan of love
I'm a fan of being in love

it is just that
in my life

love is not enough

so that raises the question

what is

I'm not so sure
there is any one answer

but

I can speak those few things
I find more important than love

chief among those

respect

after that

trust

I don't just mean
trusting that I won't hurt you
or trusting that I'm being honest
but
a broader trust
that I know what I'm doing
and that I am capable
and
that I can take care of
and protect them

after that

expectations

I want

no strike that

I need

any woman I am to be with
to have expectations of me

I want her to expect many things

that I will be there for her
no matter the cost
no matter what

any price
any hell
I'll be the man standing beside her

I will be there
because
as I am her man
she is my woman

I want a woman to expect
me to take care of her
to provide for our family
to handle any situation
even if she is perfectly capable of it

that isnt to say she shouldnt handle a situation
that she is capable of handling
but rather
she should expect
that should she decide
she doesn't want to

I will

I want a woman
who expects me to be a man
and isnt surprised or impressed when I am

I want
a woman who cannot be bothered
to look up from her novel