To Lima - this is how it is done (aka humorous memories)

ever since I was a small boy
I've had a legend

every so often I forget why exactly
especially being so far from my hometown
where I encounter it daily

and then events or people
serve to remind me

that I have always been the king

some of you were geeks in high school
some of you were jocks or cheerleaders
some of you were popular

I was many things

among them
I was the king
quite literally

my junior year of high school
I overthrew the student body government
and installed myself as supreme dictator

I was a mere senator in the government
when I became frustrated by the inefficiency, indeed worthlessness
of the existing government
so I began by drafting a new constitution in secret
in the form of a petition to the student body
which upon receiving a super majority of the student body as signatories, would become binding

I then presented my diabolical scheme to the assistant dean of the school
who was also the faculty adviser to our student body government
besides sharing my irrerevent sense of humor, he felt it would be an instructive exercise
and not only allowed it, but drafted a letter requesting that the other teachers
allow me to present my petition in their classes.

This petition established a new "Democratic" government
provided for the election of representatives and officers
in many ways was quite similar to the existing structure
but with a significant difference,
for their failures, the existing government officers
were prohibited from standing for future office

of course, as the champion of the people, I was exempted from this prohibition
which coincidently left me as the only eligible candidate for student body president
and seeing as there were no eligible candidates for vice president either
the student body president was empowered to fill the position by appointment

Now besides a brilliantly worded petition and a rousing speech
to garner the needed 75% super majority of the student body
the timing was crucial because I had to gather my signatures
without the current administration become wise to my scheme
and so mobilize their supporter within the student body
which would start a bloody battle which I preferred to avoid

So, instead of going to my student body government meeting as usual
I arranged to secretly move from class to class, presenting my petition

having gathered more than the required 75%
[outside of the members of the student body government]
[only nine people declined to sign the petition]
I used the office copy machine to make copies for each
of the current officers of the student body
and even took the time to have them neatly bound in plastic binders
for a more professional appearance

with my preparations complete, it was time for action
I entered the room where the student body government was in session

where I was chastised by the current president for being late

repressing a grin and composing myself

I apologized, explaining that a pressing matter had me otherwise engaged
and requested permission to address this august body.

I passed out the bound copies of the petition
and gave them a minute to digest it.

the president look up at me and said

"Umm... what is this?"

To which I replied...

"It is a coup d'etat, I am overthrowing this government and replacing it with a new one.

I have the support of a super majority of the student body to institute the constitution
contained within the petition in front of you, and to immediately call new elections

elections in which none of you will be eligible to stand for office."

There was a deafening silence in the room
and finally the president spoke up

sputtering

"But... but... you cant do this!"

You see, she was the most popular girl in school
and most accustomed to getting her way

to which I merely smiled softly
and replied

"Dahlin, I just did...

Have a nice day"

I couldnt help but notice
our adviser raise a hand to stifle a laugh
as I turned and walked out of the room

The funny thing

about legends

is that they take on a life of their own

even with my extended exile
my continued absence from civilization

my legend continues

not only to exist but to grow

I meant to post about this
long ago
but the words failed me

when I was in seattle
this past december

I was reacquainted with mine own legend

it was a peculiar experience

in many different ways

from the girl I went to high school with
who finally, having the security of a long term relationship
found the nerve to admit a long held crush

to the man I'd never met
a large and fairly burly fellow
of the sort I'd prefer not to meet in a dark alley
were I given the choice

whose ass I'd apparently kicked
a few years back
and ever since been fast friends with

it could be true
perhaps I was unusually drunk
but I doubt it

someone recently said to me
"I do not understand you"

and my dears
let me assist you here

if you want to understand me
assume the worst of me
always
and I shall never dissapoint you

I see people
from time to time
whose lives are blessedly black and white
a simple choice between right and wrong

such is not my life

my choices are simple

between the right that is wrong
and the wrong that is right

and yet
you can be assured
I will always choose the wrong one

I am
regardless of stature or ability
a man

fallable in every way