(no subject)

It is complete now
two ends of time are neatly tied
a one-way street,
she's walking to the end of the line
and there she meets
the faces she keeps in her heart and mind

They say
goodbye
tomorrow Wendy's going to die

underneath the chilly gray November sky
we can make believe that Kennedy is still alive
we're shooting for the moon
and smiling Jackie's driving by

They say
good try
tomorrow Wendy's going to die

I told the priest
don't count on any second coming.
God got his ass kicked
the first time he came down here slumming

He had the balls to come,
the Gall to die and then forgive us

no, I don't wonder why
I wonder what he thought it would get us

hey hey,
good try
tomorrow Wendy's going to die

A slice of that which is my life

being the king has its advantages
it also has a few disadvantages
but neither of those it what brings me here tonight

no
this is a case of the bizarre and peculiar

I recieved the following email today

To: The King
Subject: A Special New Game

This is a new game
This game is my first work.
You're the first player.
I hope you would enjoy it.

Don't the Dew [props to buffy for the heads up]

In the summer of 2000, Roach was assigned to prosecute Tyrone Henry after two teenage girls said he lured them to his home to try out a product called "White Dew" facial cream he was developing. Instead of exfoliation, they said they got ejaculation.

The girls, 15 and 16 years old at the time, said Henry showed them examples of women with "clumpy" white cream on their faces and then blindfolded them. The girls said they heard heavy breathing and Henry say, "It's coming," and then felt a thick, warm substance applied to their faces. They said he took photos, paid them $10 a piece and convinced them to make follow-up appointments. Thinking about it later, they realized they'd been hoodwinked and called the police.

For Buffy

Moshe is a devout but monetarily poor jew
his daughter is to be married
and he has no money to give for her dowry

so he prays to the lord

"please lord let me win the lottery so that I can give my daughter something for her dowry"

a week goes by
he doesnt win the lottery

so he tries again

"please lord let me win the lottery so that I can give my daughter something for her dowry"

another week passes
and again he doesnt win

at this point he is a little frustrated

and so he looks up at the heavens and calls out to god

"God, I dont understand it, all my life I have tried to be a good pious jew
I have always been satisfied with what you have provided for me
and never asked you for anything

now this once, I ask you, not for myself but for my daughter
and you turn your back on me?"

the sky darkens
and the heavens part
and a voice booms out

"Moshe, at least meet me halfway, buy a fucking ticket!"

from the - "Things you dont really ever want to hear yourself say" - department

my ass aint no goddamn lunch box bitch

what happens when you get caught fucking the General's daughter

link

btw prop again to Buffy for the link

Well they got it half right *wicked grin*

YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!


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Why I fired my secretary....

Two weeks ago was my 35th birthday
and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning
anyway.
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning" let alone any "Happy Birthday."

I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember."

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office my secretary, Janet, said,

"Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday."
And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;
we went out to the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change."

"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
in a few minutes,
she came out carrying a big birthday cake,

followed by my wife, children,
and dozens of our friends,
all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...

on the couch...

naked.