Tomorrow Wendy is going to die

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur
well
technically
tonight and tomorrow are Yom Kippur

for those of you who are not familiar
it is a Jewish holiday and in English
roughly translates to
"The day of atonement"

basically it is a time for you to reflect upon your fuckups
and ask forgiveness for them

you ask god to forgive your trespasses against him
and you ask your fellow man to do the same

in the Jewish tradition,
you are supposed to ask anyone whom
you have wronged in the past year
to forgive you.
In practice we tend to ask everyone we know to forgive us
so that we don't miss something or someone

if someone refuses to forgive you
there is a process by which you show sincerity
and should they still refuse
then god steps in and forgives you
and leaves the rest of the mishigas
[a great Yiddish word meaning bullshit or craziness]
on the other persons shoulders

So basically, if you do it sincerely and thoroughly
day after tomorrow you should be clean and sin free
at least for the first twelve seconds after you wake up

I rather like this idea
especially as it relates to relationships
If a person in a relationship fucks up
whether it be large or small
the maximum time the other person can lord it over them
is
three hundred and sixty four days
after that
it is forgiven
and you cant go bringing it up in arguments anymore

now I realize that this definitely favours the men
in relationships over the women
which I suppose is why I like it

Women in relationships are like elephants
they never forget anything
[hopefully though that is the only way they are like elephants]

Men on the other hand
[and yes I am generalizing, so go fuck yourself you nit picky pretentious bastich]
tend not to record every slight and offense

this leaves us desperately unarmed
when in an argument our beloved other
brings up every single case of misbehaviour
we have ever committed
[often enough those prior to the relationship seem to get counted in here too]

so providing a statute of limitations of past transgressions
at the very least will dramatically shorten arguments

and women, do not worry
you will still have plenty of stuff to bring up
it just wont take several hours to complete that part of the argument anymore

but anyway
to honor the general spirit of Yom Kippur
and revalidate my get out of jail free card

If there are any of you whom I have
offended
insulted
slighted
pissed off
injured
hurt
condescended to
depreciated
or otherwise behaved in unpleasant ways to

I will now sincerely ask that you forgive me my callous behaviour
and I will do my best to avoid being such an asshole in the future

Public humiliation ... or ... What are friends for ... if not this?

Everybody
and I mean everybody
[yes that means you]

go give ikilled007 a big freaking hug

go on, what are you still doing here reading this

give the man a big hug

why?
well he got his pride twanged a bit today
you see he posted ( this picture )

which of course makes him look
just a little bit
well
french

[others pointed out that he looked like]
[something was stuck up his arse and he wasnt sure if he was enjoying it]
[or something like that]

this led to a swift and shamed deletion of said post

but
as I consider him a friend
I felt he was in need of some consolation
[good friend that I am]
and
of course yall would need to understand
the depths of his pain
in order to properly console him

so drop by his journal
and
give him some love

*evil grin*

I know I can count yall to help me out here

Spending our Tax dollars

you know

I am rarely pleased with how my tax dollars are spent
I rather think
I would get much more out of a new yacht
than
my current ROI

but I have been thinking lately
and
would like to propose a new government program

overseeing by me of course

basically it would provide funds
to remove computers from certain individuals
[at my discretion of course]
and
replace them with

iMacs

and not just any iMacs
pretty purple iMacs
with
loopback adapters
permanently affixed into the ethernet ports

so that in the future
we
are all spared continuing evidence
of their existence

Then again
if people would just remember
that
arguing on the internet
is like competing in the special olympics
even should you win
you are still a fucking retard

it would sure save a whole lot of
time on all accounts

Marketing 101 or how not to blow a sure thing

props to myth for keying me into this jem

Behind the Scenes: The Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 Toy Broom

it sure explains quite a bit

(no subject)

The Good Lord has given you

two ears and one mouth
to show you that listening is
twice as important as speaking.

And ten fingers so you can
post your nonsense on the Internet