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Sep. 14th, 2002
Love and Rockets
Sep. 14th, 2002 11:14 pmsomeone asked
[i do believe they were not serious]
if I would marry them today
I inquired what their sales pitch was
and it began with
"I am never boring"
the conversation was enough
to entertain me for an hour or so
but afterwards it got me thinking
you see the funny thing was
I could see myself actually doing it
[this is meant more in the abstract intellectual way]
[than in terms of actual action]
not that I had any particular feelings for the woman in question
I hardly know her but she is an attractive woman
with a pleasant voice [i dont know why this matters, but it appeared in my thoughts]
she is quite bright and not only know where she wants to go
but is making forward progress on getting there
in other words
someone I have respect for
you see
I look at the state of marriage
in our society
it is fucking pitiful
I only know two couples
among my peers
who seem happily married
[I am of course only speaking of people]
[whom I know well enough to have an opinion on such matters]
of the others
[again of those I know well enough]
some are stumbling along
others are living double lives
or failing to have the courage to either
fix things or to admit they aren't willing to do so.
I look at my grandparents generation
which has a significantly lower divorce rate
than either mine or my parents
and wonder why
I find two answers
first off, they had different standards and courting rituals
and secondly for the most part they held the idea
that a marriage was an entity to be served separate of themselves.
so I asked myself
what are my standards
what would a woman need to be, for me to marry her
To be honest I realized I didn't need very much
not that I was settling in the least
just that I have come to view the roles in marriage differently
Then I realized that there are a whole lot of women in this world that I could marry easily
She would have to be attractive to me, both physically and mentally
but there are quite a few that meet those characteristics
She would have to have a minimal amount of financial common sense
[i.e. to know not to write a check for 2k when there is only a grand in the bank account]
[and understand basic concepts of budgeting]
She can not be excessively materialistic,
granted the woman I marry will never want for anything
[within reason]
[and granted that's my reason, not someone else's]
[but I doubt many would find that less than exceedingly generous]
but I do not want someone who is too focused on such things
as it is tacky
( side note here for the many feminists: )
She has to have some ambition
[preferably a good amount]
in what direction I do not care
just that she has her own goals and desires
and works at achieving them
She has to have friends
i.e. something of a social life
Friendships are healthy, if her life isn't healthy
our relationship can not be
She has to want children
preferably a brood of them
[to steal anothers words]
I am willing to consider adoptions
but would prefer at least a couple of my own flesh and blood
She has to have a minimum level of her shit together
and be focused on enjoying her life
this is tricky to measure I realize
basically she has to be at a level of personal responsibility
where she can be counted on to manage her own shit
and if she says she will do something it gets done
I wont marry a woman that requires oversight or parenting
and the focus on enjoying life
that is more a subjective thing
but could best be described as
don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff
she needs to be able to accept that shit happens
and not have it always bring her world crashing down
and lastly she has to be somewhat insane
otherwise she would never agree to marry
me
*grin*
you will notice
a conspicuously absent requirement
love
it is not that love is unimportant to me
just that I have noticed it is not a requirement for a successful marriage
and I have a feeling that I would quickly love any woman
who met the above requirements
god knows I have loved many that did not....
[i do believe they were not serious]
if I would marry them today
I inquired what their sales pitch was
and it began with
"I am never boring"
the conversation was enough
to entertain me for an hour or so
but afterwards it got me thinking
you see the funny thing was
I could see myself actually doing it
[this is meant more in the abstract intellectual way]
[than in terms of actual action]
not that I had any particular feelings for the woman in question
I hardly know her but she is an attractive woman
with a pleasant voice [i dont know why this matters, but it appeared in my thoughts]
she is quite bright and not only know where she wants to go
but is making forward progress on getting there
in other words
someone I have respect for
you see
I look at the state of marriage
in our society
it is fucking pitiful
I only know two couples
among my peers
who seem happily married
[I am of course only speaking of people]
[whom I know well enough to have an opinion on such matters]
of the others
[again of those I know well enough]
some are stumbling along
others are living double lives
or failing to have the courage to either
fix things or to admit they aren't willing to do so.
I look at my grandparents generation
which has a significantly lower divorce rate
than either mine or my parents
and wonder why
I find two answers
first off, they had different standards and courting rituals
and secondly for the most part they held the idea
that a marriage was an entity to be served separate of themselves.
so I asked myself
what are my standards
what would a woman need to be, for me to marry her
To be honest I realized I didn't need very much
not that I was settling in the least
just that I have come to view the roles in marriage differently
Then I realized that there are a whole lot of women in this world that I could marry easily
She would have to be attractive to me, both physically and mentally
but there are quite a few that meet those characteristics
She would have to have a minimal amount of financial common sense
[i.e. to know not to write a check for 2k when there is only a grand in the bank account]
[and understand basic concepts of budgeting]
She can not be excessively materialistic,
granted the woman I marry will never want for anything
[within reason]
[and granted that's my reason, not someone else's]
[but I doubt many would find that less than exceedingly generous]
but I do not want someone who is too focused on such things
as it is tacky
( side note here for the many feminists: )
She has to have some ambition
[preferably a good amount]
in what direction I do not care
just that she has her own goals and desires
and works at achieving them
She has to have friends
i.e. something of a social life
Friendships are healthy, if her life isn't healthy
our relationship can not be
She has to want children
preferably a brood of them
[to steal anothers words]
I am willing to consider adoptions
but would prefer at least a couple of my own flesh and blood
She has to have a minimum level of her shit together
and be focused on enjoying her life
this is tricky to measure I realize
basically she has to be at a level of personal responsibility
where she can be counted on to manage her own shit
and if she says she will do something it gets done
I wont marry a woman that requires oversight or parenting
and the focus on enjoying life
that is more a subjective thing
but could best be described as
don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff
she needs to be able to accept that shit happens
and not have it always bring her world crashing down
and lastly she has to be somewhat insane
otherwise she would never agree to marry
me
*grin*
you will notice
a conspicuously absent requirement
love
it is not that love is unimportant to me
just that I have noticed it is not a requirement for a successful marriage
and I have a feeling that I would quickly love any woman
who met the above requirements
god knows I have loved many that did not....