Jul. 9th, 2001

plural: (Default)
The
word of the
day is

pyrrhic victory

somehow seems
a fitting
description
of my life

so many battles
so many
supposed victories
too
many casulties

Men have died
from time to time,
and worms
have eaten them,
but not for love.
--hamlet

Why?

Jul. 9th, 2001 04:24 pm
plural: (Default)
Why...

...can you get a pizza to your house
faster than an ambulance.

... are therehandicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

...do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store
to get their prescriptions
while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.

...do we order
double cheese burgers,
large fries and
a diet coke.

...do banks leave
both doors open
and then chain
the pens to the counters.

...do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and
put our useless junk in the garage.

...do we use answering machines
to screen calls and
then have call waiting
so we won't miss a call
from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.

...do we buy hot dogs
in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight.

... do they have
drive-up ATMs
with Braille lettering.
plural: (Default)
Seen..

On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be winner!
No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
[Evidently, the shoplifter special]

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions:Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
[printed on bottom of box]:
"Do not turn upside down".

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".

On a children's cold medicine.
"Do not operate heavy machinery
after taking this medication".

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
[as opposed to.....]

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
[you dont want to know]
[honest]


On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts"

On an American Airlines
packet of nuts:
"Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals".

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