Words from the grave ... or ... how not to listen to your girlfriend and end up in the doghouse

[plural]

[a story of personal pain]

so
what with all the drama?

well
I will tell you
that
most likely I am
being melodramatic
but its a great eye catcher no?

so the other day
Ambie and I
were heading out to
pick up some
tasty dinner treats

as is my custom
I check to make sure
the front door was locked
and
securely fastened
behind us

at which point
I reached into my
pocket
for my car keys
which
were conveniently located
on the
top of the stair railing
inside the house
where I wouldn't
forget them

as you can
imagine
this presented
an rather
awkward dilemma
not to mention
impugning my manhood
in front of my woman

as I was
by the simple click
of the latch
render impotent in
the simple matter
of feeding myself
and my family

I dashed
left
and right

checking
the garage and
sliding glass doors
to no
avail

desperate
there was
one last option

there is
a balcony
off the master bedroom
perchance that
door would be
unlocked

if not
getting down
would be difficult

We formulated a plan

taking advantage of her
experiences as a cheerleader in
her formative years
we decided
that I would

[using my hands]
[with fingers interlaced]
[together]

hoist her up into the air
where she could
grab onto
the second story railing
and pull herself over.

as
mid air
acrobatics had
not exactly been
common practice
for either of us
recently

[well at least]
[not since]
[the previous weekend]
[nudge nudge wink wink]

she was
understandably nervous

so while I was
gauging the
distance and
determining the
best position and
angle of attack

I was also
absent mindedly
attempting to calm
here fears

moving into
my determined position

[interlacing my fingers]
[hunching down to]
[create the appropriate]
[springboard effect]

as needed to launch her
to the second story of the house

as
often happens when
man (aka me) is
concentrating on one task

while attempting to
pacify a female at the same time

the listening skills are
replaced with a constant stream of

"I know"

"It'll be ok"

"trust me"

now in this
case

those should have been
sufficient as

she was worried about me
hurting myself, or her falling down,
or something going wrong.

so I thought
I was set

but
no

she had to
jump to the
unexpected

perhaps I should pause
here and explain something

perhaps
you will understand why
this came from
so far out in left field

Amber is about a two bits above 5feet tall
and she weighs 100lb and change
she generally wears either a size 1 or 2
depending on cut.

so when she came out with the

"but I am fat"

objection/concern

you can see why
it would catch me off guard
and why I
not identifying the difference
in word pattern before
responding

I replied,

"Yes I know"