Jun. 14th, 2008

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I had a most interesting evening last night.
It has been a while since I had a good night
of men behaving badly

anyway

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about relationships lately
primarily other peoples but also my own

it occurs to me how much we promise and how much we expect
of things that are completely out of our control

and those things which are in our control
those things which we can promise or should expect
we take for granted or ignore the value of

take money for example
there is no such thing as enough money not for guarantees anyway
although there can easily be enough money to live a comfortable and fulfilled life
[that takes far less than you would think]

I've lived a life which on average is far more prosperous and luxurious
with so many more choices that most of you would ever honestly see yourselves obtaining

imagine if you would
going without a job for seven years

how many of you would be travelling the world?
how many of you would be enjoying your lives?

probably not many

how many of you would be hungry?
how many of you would be homeless?

probably most.

Now granted, I was doing projects earning money
but while some of those ventures were quite profitable
primarily the goal was to stay productive and provide drinking/play money
not to provide my basic essentials

I've had years which were highly profitable
and I've had years in which I lost more money
than most of you will make in 20 years of working

the last two years have been pretty rough, that too shall pass

life is a cycle and I've been through the cycle of wealth and poverty
many many times, although each time it seems
I'm more rich at the top of the cycle and less poor at the bottom of the cycle

which I suppose means progress over all

of course, the vast majority of my "wealth" is all on paper, contracts and digital 1s & 0s
perhaps that is as it should be after all I am a young man without a family of my own
so I don't really need to access large cash flows and my monthly nut can remain quite small

I was talking with a dear friend today and he mentioned that one of his favorite things about me
is that while I earn an income which would provide most anything I desire I still drive the same 12 year old toyota

granted I am thinking of replacing it in the next year or so but even still I shant get anything extravagant
I was thinking that maybe I'd drop twenty grand and get a new honda civic
but if I know myself I'll probably drop about half that on a used one and be quite content

that isn't to say I'm a cheap bastard because any of you who read this
especially any of you who have met me know that I have little compunction spending money
I just choose to spend it on different things

I spend my money doing things preferrably with people I love
not on acquiring shit I don't need
that will need to be replace with other shit I don't need in a few years

I went out to dinner with a friend and his wife the other night
and at the moment I am feeling incredibly tight cash flow wise
although that will ease up nicely on the 20th of June
so pretty much I am in hunker down and get there mode

but regardless of the truth of the situation
I was feeling the pinch of being tight on cash
so I asked him for advice on managing cash flow

he looked at me like I was an alien

and said, do not mistake the fact that you are tight right now
for a problem or lack of skill in managing your cash flow
I've known you for nearly a decade and
I've seen very few people manage as well as you do.

which did much to ease my mind.

ok well
this post has gotten well away from me
and strayed too far from the relationship questions thoughts
I had intended to share
and into the realm of cash flow concerns
so
I'm going to abort it now
and come back at another time
when my brain is on the right track

be well

love me

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