Apr. 20th, 2008

The Seder

Apr. 20th, 2008 01:29 am
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went off beautifully

the food was raved about
[of course]

and the image of
22 adults slurping popsicles
was definitely worth it

I, of course, was obliged to explain
that popsicles was part of the religious observance *grin*

Of course, this marks the second year in a row
where we failed to finish the seder
because the majority of the guests
were far too intoxicated to continue.

a particular guest
showed up late
but she made up for it
by staying several hours
after the rest of the guests had departed

we chatted for quite a while
it was most pleasant

I find her most attractive

she is older than I
smart and wise
seemingly emotionally well balanced

she is a professional commodities trader
I have to respect someone
who can make their delusions profitable
*grin*

this is the second occasion
on which we've spent several hours
engrossed in conversation

as I walked her to her car
she hinted about going out some time
so
I suggested that we get coffee
later in the week.

it turns out we both have the same
favorite cafe here in Seattle.

I don't know what the hell I am doing
but I'm enjoying myself
so why ask questions

besides
I've a play to work on
and half a bottle of wine to finish

so I'll bid yall goodnight

I awoke

Apr. 20th, 2008 04:08 pm
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a few hours ago

I've pulled a pair of corked bottles
each half full of wine from last night
from the fridge

a couple plastic containers
of cold food
and retreated to my office
to work on my play

I'm making quite good progress
[hell I'm almost done with the second bottle]

I've written quite a bit in the past couple of days
some part entirely new, some drawing off things I've written here
melded to fit the form and style of the play

Of course, the challenge I must face soon
is taking all of this new material
and fitting it into the existing framework

Moving things around
adjusting the continuity.
I expect to have a good draft
by the end of the week.

Although I suspect
that some of you will be disappointed
those of you who fail to separate the play
from the reality of me
however much the two may mirror themselves

I let a dear friend read it the other day
part of what has re-energized me into finishing it
although I'd been thinking about it quite a bit lately

he said he recognized a lot of me in the play
and made the offhand comment that
I apparently don't think I'll live past forty

That is the difference between me and the play
I am intentionally writing a dark play
I have no intention of killing myself
now, on my 40th birthday or any other time.
sure thoughts of death might haunt me
but given the amount of it in my life
I believe that is only to be expected.

The play, isn't my life, it isn't me
however much there may be strong resemblance
in a way,
I put the best and the worst of myself into the play

a cathartic release one could say.

the truth is that I need to die
not physically
but I need to let go
the part of me that still loves her
the part of me that cannot stand her absence
the part of me that punishes myself for her death
those parts of me
must be vanquished
quite simply, must die
if I am to have a future.

I think in a large way
writing this play is to me

a funeral service
a way of honoring the love I once had
a way of owning up to the many mistakes I've made
and the behaviors of which I am ashamed

this is my confessional

and
for those of you who worry
for those of you who wonder
if I am wrapping myself up too much in the past
writing this

I can only say
last night's woman
[for she is neither a girl nor a lass]
has been in my thoughts
all days as I write

I don't know what to make of her
I don't know what to make of me
I think for too long I've defined myself
in terms of losing Charlie

but there is one thing I'll say for her
she has class
and not merely an affectation of it

I am intrigued
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I know
that I've got more than a few readers
firmly ensconced among the ivory towers

so
I thought I'd see if any of you
can either help me out with this
or know someone who can.

A cousin of mine attends GWU in DC
and is trying to obtain a ticket to the Columbian College grad ceremony.

If you are able to assist
or connect me with someone who is
please let me know

Choices

Apr. 20th, 2008 06:48 pm
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so

I am working on the music

I traded out a version of "Mad World" by Tears for Fears
for a cover by "Gary Jules" (the one from Donny Darko)

Now the trouble I'm having
is with the song

"Last Kiss"

I've got four versions of the song.

One by Bobby Darin
One by Wednesday
One by J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers
One by Pearl Jam

The one by Wednesday doesn't really work
There is little difference between Bobby and Frank
The Pearl Jam version is interesting
I'm leaning toward Bobby
but the Pearl Jam version is haunting me.

It has a bit more hollow feel to it
and a bit more energy
the hollow I like
the energy not so much

oh
yeah
and
as any good writer should be
I'm quite drunk on my fourth bottle
of red wine

which works well for writing
but not so much for this

Last Kiss

Apr. 20th, 2008 07:18 pm
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Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead

I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

When I woke up the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow i found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said,
"Hold me darling, just a little while"
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I had missed.

Well now she's gone
and even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life, that night.

Oh where, oh where, can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world




I haven't been good
Nothing remotely close

She waits
and I stumble

I'm so fucked

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